New Type of Smurf Found Through Shocking Investigation

NEW TYPE OF SMURF FOUND (PrT) Smurf Village

Due to recent reports of unusual creatures attacking tourists in the vicinity of Smurf Village, PrT sent an investigative team to find out the truth of the matter.

The first person our team interviewed was Papa Smurf, leader of the Smurfs still living in the Smurf Village. “No, I know nothing of this – it’s the Tourists Mr. Disney sends us getting lost in the forest, coming across a deer or raccoon or one of the other woodland creatures and becoming frightened. It’s easy enough, if you’re from the City and are not used to the Forest,” said Papa Smurf. When asked about the large amounts of chocolate and marshmallow found on the tourists, and the reports of being bitten, Papa Smurf said, “Doubtless the Mr. Disney’s Tourists were carrying treats they had bought for themselves when they came to our Village to watch us sing and dance and go about our Smurfy lives, as we do for Mr. Disney’s Tourists during Smurf Village Opening Hours. When they become startled by the woodland creatures, they drop or squeeze the treats they had bought. As to being bitten, I should think that in their panic they ran into trees and branches, giving them the impression of being bitten. Or, perhaps the innocent woodland creatures, in their panic accidentally bit Mr. Disney’s Tourists.”

While his explanation was plausible, Papa Smurf’s tone rang false, causing PrT’s investigators to look more deeply into the matter, revealing a shocking truth.

A company called The Soylent Corporation, had bid for the contract to build and maintain a nuclear power station near Smurf Village, as well as to dispose of the nuclear waste, which was also done near the Village. When some of the nuclear waste began to leak into the surrounding environment, The Soylent Corporation began planting radiation absorbing lentils around the plant and storage area – the same variety that are currently being used for mediation and recovery in Chernobyl, Ukraine. Many Smurfs from Smurf Village were initially employed at the nuclear plants, but with the release of radiation near their home, directly impacting the surroundings by poisoning streams and killing trees and forest animals, the Smurfs working at the plant began to agitate and then to strike. These Smurfs were immediately transferred to a subsidiary of the Soylent Corporation, Simonson Enterprises. There, the official paper trail ends. There are no records of what happened to the Smurfs.

Further digging by PrT has shown that the missing Smurfs, as well as those arrested by police who are alleged using racial profiling have been somehow transformed in to edible Smurfs, composed of chocolate and marshmallow covered by a cracker-like exterior, for sale at the Smurf Village to tourists. Simonson Enterprises is referring to the changed Smurfs as Smorfs. It is evident that Papa Smurf is aware of who the changed Smurfs are, and was endeavoring to hide them in the forest, rather than letting his people be eaten. The Smorfs hiding in the forest have apparently suffered during the transmogrification to confectionery, and are not believed to be wholly rational, attacking tourists who stray into the wood.

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